


Why So Serious?

by Katzedecimal



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse, The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M, puppet porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yaoi puppet pr0n.  Yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why So Serious?

**Author's Note:**

> One of my first Pied Piper/Trickster fics, written back in 2008, imported from Livejournal.

Morning had broken, not like the first morning. The first thing he was aware of was the silence that indicated that the rain had turned to snow. The second thing he was aware of was the chill in the single-wide's air. The third thing he was aware of was the warmth of the body next to him. And the fourth thing he was aware of was that something was sitting on his penis. Hartley cracked an eye open and looked down, expecting to see one of his rats. "What the hell...?"

The Trickster puppet waved at him and purred in a falsetto, "I just love my new job as a nymph of Eros!"

"Oh god, spot who found the 'xXxenophile' collection..."

"Dude, those are hilarious!" James grinned, "But aren't they, y'know, not your speed?"

"So?"

"I would've thought.. y'know..."

"You ever read gay porn?"

"I can't really say as I have, Hartley, no."

"Won't find any in my house. There's a reason for that. Quite a lot of it is crap."

"Really?"

"Yep. The stuff I like is usually written by women."

"Hah?? How does **that** work?"

"James, can I at least get some coffee before you start grilling me? I just woke up!"

James leered, "Yessssss I knowwwwww."

"And what the fuck are you doing with the puppet?"

James looked down at the puppet, which was sliding slowly over Hartley's erection. "Who, Mini-Me? Little Tricks? He told you, he's trying out for the nymphs of Eros!" "That's me!"

"You are so weird."

"Says the guy who hangs out with rats! Does that make you the Rat King? Or would you be the Rat Queen?"

 _I'm being fondled by a puppet. This is going to be One of Those Days._ "Do you **ever** get enough?"

James looked exaggeratedly thoughtful and scratched his chin with his unoccupied hand. "Mmmmmmmmmmm.... no." "That implies he gets any." "Hey, shut up! I do too!" "Even in your dreams, they scream and run away." "They do not!"

"It's the stripes." _Oh god I'm talking to a puppet that's sitting on my dick and it isn't even nine o'clock yet._

"There's nothing wrong with stripes!!!!!"

"Dude, the stripes? -- **so** not bad-ass."

"Oh so you're the fashion genius all of a sudden, Mr. Polka-Dots?"

"It was the Eighties! And you were rocking a Nina Hagen ponytail in the Nineties."

"Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well I hate to tell you this, Mr. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but a wooly-bear caterpillar crawled onto your face and died!"

"So you're saying the goatee is not a good look for me?"

"I'm saying you look like a pole-dancer with a Brazilian wax and one too many face lifts!"

Suddenly Hartley was very glad that he hadn't had any coffee, or it would've been all over the wall. "Oh god James!" he laughed, "It's too early in the morning for that kind of mental image!" He wiped his eyes, "Okay, so the goatee goes. So do the stripes."

"Fuck you, man, the stripes stay!" James laughed, "People underestimate a guy in stripey pants!"

Hartley had to concede he had a point. "True. Hadn't thought of it like that. Alright, the stripes can stay, but only for the costume. You wear stripes like that in public and I'll swear I don't know you."

James grinned, "What about on the golf course?"

"Golf course." Hartley's voice could've soldered pipe.

"Yeah! You know, the polyester pants and the acrylic argyle cardigan with one of those shirts with the little alligator about to bite your nipple..."

"Get out of my bed!"

James laughed and wrestled his way back onto the mattress. "Relax, Hart, I don't play golf. I got better things to do."

"Ahh! ....mmmmm.... can't argue with that.. But could you lose the puppet?"

"Lose Mini-Me?!?!?" James hugged his puppet doppelganger protectively and petted its hair with an overly-theatrical expression of shock and dismay, "After you rescued him from the desert and showered him with love and affection and washed him with your tears?!? How could you say such a thing?! How could you break his little heart like that?! I thought you loved me!!!"

"I so fuckin' hate you."

"That's not what you said last ni-ight."

"And now you're back for more and I haven't even had coffee yet."

"It's a waste of perfectly good caffeine if you pass out from exhaustion!"

"Lose the puppet and I might be interested."

"Okay, okay," James sulked then slid the puppet off his hand, "Sorry, Little Tricks. Besides, he'd probably split your seams."

"Oh god...!"

"What?! It was a compliment!"

"No, it was the stuff of nightmares. Now shut up and c'mere.."

To his surprise, Hartley managed to keep James quiet - or at least, not talking - for a good half hour. He was fully in the moment, concentrating on paying the most sensitive part of James's anatomy some very intimate attention, so he wasn't entirely certain what made him stop. He looked up, very slowly, to see the Trickster puppet watching him. "Taking notes," it squeaked.

"JAMES!!!" James burst into laughter. "Are you _trying_ to kill the mood?!"

"What're you blaming me for? Can I help it if Little Tricks is a voyeur?"

"It's a damned _puppet!_ It's you! It's got your personality because you run it!"

"Little Tricks is his own man."

"It's got your hand up its ass!"

"Damn, no wonder he's smiling!"

"He's...! .... aw fuck." Hartley put his hand to his forehead and broke up laughing.

"Besides, you've got your rats."

"The rats respect my privacy! ..fuck i'm talking to the goddam puppet..."

"See what you've done, Little Tricks?" "Me?! You were the one who suggested this whole 'nymph of Eros' gig in the first place!"

"Oh, will you-" Hartley reached out and grabbed James's head, "Shut-" He pulled him down, "UP!"

Silence reigned for several minutes, punctuated by heavy breathing, wet sounds and the occasional moan. Hartley had turned around and resumed his previous activity. It seemed James had turned serious enough that Hartley could finally relax and enjoy the reciprocating sensations.

"You're doing it wrong." "Shut up, I am not." "Yes you are. Don't you ever pay attention?" "Look, do you hear him complaining? No? Then I'm not doing it wrong. Hart, tell him I'm not doing it wrong!"

 _I'm sleeping with a man who's arguing with a puppet over how to give a blowjob. What on earth is wrong with me?_ Hartley was collapsed across James's inner thigh and his shoulders were shaking silently.

"Hart? You're supposed to breathe now and then, ya know."

"Shut up!"

"I mean it, man, I'm concerned about your health!"

"Like fuck you are, you're trying to kill me!"

"Nah, the name's Trickster, not Joker." James grinned and sat up, then reached out to turn Hartley. He leaned down to stroke away the tears of laughter that were running freely down his lover's cheeks, then kissed his lips lightly and repeatedly. "You don't laugh enough," he whispered between kisses, "All these years I've known you. So I'm gonna fill you full of laughter."

Hartley looped his arms over James's shoulders and touched noses with him. "Oh, is that a new word for it?" he purred.

James grinned, "And that too." He reached for a condom, "Metaphorically speaking, of course."

"Well... okay. I suppose I can put off killing you for a little while longer. As long as the puppet doesn't try to get in on the action."

"Puppet?" James pulled the puppet off and flipped it across the room, "What puppet?"

"Better. Honestly, James, I mean, fun's fun but..mmmmmmh... how's a guy supposed to... sssss-- Ahh! .. get into it... oh god yes... if you keep cutting up like that?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you know how much of a turn-on your face is?"

"Only ever see it... in a mir-ror... sss- **there!** ... nngh... sss-god yes....!"

"Why d'ya think I kept talking you off? You're so expressive. An' when you laugh.. takes ten years off you... mmmmmh.... Did you trim your fingernails?"

"No..."

 **"Good.** Yeah... yeah..."

"S-till.. hh... hh... can't you... ever... _god_... be serious?"

"I'm c-omplete-ly.. ser-ious." "It's true!"

Hartley's eyes slammed open, "Huh??"

"He is serious Trickster. This is serious fuck."

Hartley tipped his head back to see the Flash puppet peering up over the edge of his pillow. **"TRICKSTER!!!!!!!"**

"Man, I just love it when you scream my name!"


End file.
